Sick Day
by Merkiel
Summary: [Junior Year] Hell on Earth


**Sick Day**  
By Merkiel I do not own Azumanga Daioh or any other related copyrights. I write this for fun, not for profit.

**Summary:** Yukari persuades Nyamo to play hooky. Chiyo-chan is home with a bad cold. Osaka gets lost. Sakaki encounters Kamineko. Tomo is teacher for a day. Yomi leads a student revolution. Chaos ensues.

**Author's Notes:**

This is my first Azumanga Daioh piece.

I suck at pretending to know Japanese. I'm not even going to try. Except for things like name suffixes.

Reviewing is mandatory. Criticism is preferred. Go, my minions.

* * *

_Unexpected Holiday_

The sun was beginning to set, and a golden glow illuminated the horizon. It was nice to have an apartment with this kind of view. Minamo Kurosawa looked out the window with a sense of peace and happiness on her face. Today had been a great day, and she had great expectations for the next day as well.

Just then, she heard a knock on her door. She walked to the door and looked out the eyehole. _What's Yukari doing here?_

"Oi, Nyamo! Nyamo, Nyamo, Nyamo! Open up!" screeched the energetic woman. Yukari began to pound on the door.

"Coming!" called Nyamo. At the instant she opened the door, Yukari rushed it and closed it behind her, nearly injuring the gym teacher's hand.

"Nyamo! I had an idea!" said Yukari with glee.

Minamo sighed and sat on her bed. "What idea?"

"We're going to make tomorrow a holiday," beamed the English teacher. "We're going to have a girl's night on the town!"

"Are you serious?" asked a bewildered Minamo.

"Absolutely serious. I came over to know if you were in."

"Yukari…we can't just take off whenever we feel like it," began Nyamo, lifting herself off the bed and walking towards her friend. "I mean, we're adults. We have classes to teach."

The English teacher scoffed. "Oh, come on! How hard can it be to teach…gym?" Yukari let out a slight chuckle, while the gym teacher furrowed her brows in anger. Before Nyamo could get a word in, Yukari continued her thought. "All classes have class reps, right? We have cover then. There is no danger."

Nyamo shrugged and began to think about it. "I still don't like the idea," she concluded. "I'll feel too guilty about ditching to fully enjoy the holiday anyway."

Yukari began to twirl her chestnut hair around her fingers, her eyes shining with admiration. "But Nyamo," she persisted. "You are such a model teacher. All your students adore you. The staff looks at you like a goddess. You receive awards for attendance and work ethic. Don't you think that you deserve a break like this?"

"Then what makes you think you do?" retorted the gym teacher in a half-teasing, half-serious manner.

"Fine," Yukari sighed. She began to let out a few fake tears. "I guess I'll have to go out by myself, without my best friend in the world." Nyamo felt flattered and began to listen to Yukari.

"I guess I'll get all the guys," began the English teacher. "I guess I'll get drunk all by myself." Nyamo's expression turned from jealous to terrified. Before Yukari could continue with her dramatic bit, Nyamo grabbed her on the shoulders.

"Please stop that!" implored Minamo. "I'll go with you, alright! Just on the condition that we don't get caught!"

_So easy,_ thought Yukari to herself. "Alright then, you call the principal and tell him we're deathly ill and we need the day off tomorrow."

"Why don't you call him?"

Yukari began to sound ill. "He knows my voice," she whispered.

Nyamo sweat dropped. _Typical._ "Fine, I'll make the call." She walked over to the phone, sighing, wondering how Yukari had dragged her into this in the first place.

Yukari sat on the bed with her hands clasped in her lap, watching Nyamo like a hawk. One small mistake in the act may mean the end of her career- or worse, a pay cut. Yukari blanched. "Nyamo, I have no faith in you, so I'm going to guide you through the call."

Minamo turned around, glaring dangerously at her best friend. "How can you say that so bluntly?"

* * *

"Hello, this is –achoo! Minamo Kurosawa. I called because –achoo! I have come down with a terrible –achoo! cold!" At that point, Minamo slapped her head on her forehead. The fake sneezes were pathetic. She sounded like a foolish schoolgirl. Yukari began to mouth commands to her, but Nyamo was no good at reading lips. She began to chew her bottom lip in anticipation, fearing that her act would not be convincing enough. 

"What? I have the day off? I mean, -achoo! I'm so disappointed to be away from the children! Tanizaki –achoo! Yukari is also down with a cold, so I'm going to be taking care –achoo! of her." Nyamo turned around to face Yukari, and the English teacher flashed her a thumbs-up.

"She –achoo! has the day off too? Thank you! I promise we'll get to work as soon as we –achoo! feel better."

"Stay home as long as you need to," drawled the voice on the other line. "So you're staying together, huh? Where do you live?"

Nyamo's eyes bulged. "Kimura-san! What are you doing answering the principal's phone?"

"Never mind that," began the male teacher. "Let me keep you warm all night!" he screeched. The two women could hear his neck snap on the other side.

Minamo was too busy reeling from shock and disgust to process this. "Don't answer phone calls that aren't for you!" she finally decided, yelling into the phone, and then hanging it up.

Yukari smiled. "Well, the point is, we have tomorrow off! We're two free, gorgeous-looking…two free, one gorgeous --"

"Shut up!"

* * *

_Carousel_

"Morning," yawned the sleepy schoolgirl. "Chiyo-chan?"

"Good morning, Osaka-san! Achew!" responded the pint-sized prodigy. "Sorry for calling so –achew! Early in the morning. I've caught a –achew! Cold."

"Ah…that sucks," sympathized the older girl, getting up from bed. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Well, since you live nearby to my house, I was wondering if you could drop by so I could give you some of my homework to turn in," began Chiyo. "I can get Sakaki-san to do it if you're not up to it, though."

"I'll do it," said Osaka, smiling.

"Thank you very much!" beamed the younger girl. "Um, you should be careful –achew! not to get lost, though. I don't want you –achew! To get lost because of me."

"I'll try," promised the other girl.

_Get my act together, get my act together, and get my act together…_

_

* * *

_  
The girl began to walk to school at a gentle pace. Ayumu couldn't help but revel in the great weather of the day. It was sunny and warm, and she loved every minute of it. "I could stand here all day, but I get the feeling there was something I was supposed to do."

What was it now? 

"Um, let's see," she said aloud, holding out her fingers.

_I did my homework,_ she assessed, lowering her thumb.

_I am in uniform._ She lowered her pinky.

_I ate breakfast._ The ring finger went down.

_I said goodbye to mom and dad. _Osaka let her index finger fall.

"So, I know I forgot something, but I don't know what…I'm hopeless" she moaned to herself. Just then, a small boy was walking in the opposite direction across the street. By his looks, she could tell he was an American boy. Osaka got excited, because this would be a chance for her to test if her English-speaking skills were up to par.

"Um, _Good Morning!_" she called to the boy, waving. The boy stared at her, then her waving hand, then her again. He began to scream as he ran at full speed from Osaka.

"Hmm…Oh no, did I accidentally say something insulting?" she wondered aloud. _Oh, right! That reminds me. I have to pick up Chiyo-chan's homework._

_

* * *

_  
"Now, which way was Chiyo-chan's house?" wondered Osaka out aloud. She began to move her fingers in various directions, her eyes slowly following around. "Left…Right…Left…Right…Right!" Satisfied with her deduction, she began to head off to the right.

Hm? Have I seen this tree before? 

She walked for several blocks before she tired. _I don't see Chiyo-chan's _house_ anywhere._ Frustrated, she closed her eyes and began to think of a solution! _I got it! I'll backtrack until I hit my house, and then I'll start over._ "But which way was it to my house?" she began again. "Left…Right…Left…Right…Right!"

I swear I've seen this tree before. 

As she tried to find her way back to her own house, she began to get lost again. In an unknown neighborhood, and with no knowledge of where to go, she was completely and utterly lost.

The tree is working its evil magic on me! Osaka shuddered at the thought of malicious tree wizards purposely making it difficult to find her way. 

This time she at least found her own house. "Alright! So I'm at the start! Now I go…left!" She set off in her chosen direction. She began to recognize some of the signs and streets. _That means I'm not lost! Yay!_

Unfortunately, as she followed this path, she arrived at the school. "I feel like I'm forgetting something…Oh, no. Chiyo-chan's homework." The girl was upset with herself. "I should go back and get it."

* * *

Sakaki walked along the cherry blossom trees. Today was a very peaceful day. Her happiness escalated when she spotted Kamineko, the gray cat, in the distance. _Today's my chance. I've got a surprise planned!_

Sakaki took her backpack off and began to unzip it. From it, she procured a large, tasty fish, some string, and a cardboard box. She carefully walked into an area shrouded by the trees. She placed the fish on top of some leaves, and let the cardboard box stay side-up a few inches away. She then affixed the string to the back of the box and the head of the fish. Satisfied with her work, she exited the area and was pleased to find Kamineko, still napping in the sweet sunlight.

Not sure how to gain its attention, she put her hand near enough for him to smell it but not to bite it. This was enough to interest the gray fuzz. She then began to slowly walk backwards to her trap area. _This is it!_

Before she had turned around, Kamineko wizened up, bit her, and ran away. Sakaki was halfway between shock and tears. She turned around to find the trap already set off, with a pair of human legs sticking out of the box.

"Umm…" said a bewildered Sakaki, not sure of how to react.

The Osakan lifted the box off of her head. "The fish was so alluring, I couldn't help myself!" she confessed.

* * *

_Bonkura Heaven_

"Yay! Yukari's gone!" cheered the entire student body of class 3-3.

"I wonder who we're going to have as a substitute teacher," whispered Kagura, turning towards her friends. Just at that moment, the door open, and their substitute teacher greeted them.

"Hello class!" shouted the bespectacled man. "I am here to teach high school girls! Please let me know if you need any assistance!" Kimura then snapped his neck and hung with his mouth open.

"Wait," said Yomi, scared within an inch of her life. "Doesn't it say under the rulebook that if the teacher's absent, the class rep acts as the instructor for the day?"

"What are you talking about?" inquired Kimura.

"I found it!" yelled Tomo, opening up the student handbook. "It's right here under section 2A, clause C: 'If the teacher is absent, a different homeroom teacher will cover for him/her unless said teacher is Kimura-sensei. In that case, the class rep will act as teacher."

"Let me see that," demanded the teacher. Tomo passed the book up with the page dog-eared. Kimura adjusted his spectacles and read the passage to himself.

**If the teacher is absent, a different homeroom teacher will cover for him/her unless said teacher is Kimura-sensei. In that case, the class rep will act as teacher.**

Kimura began to cry. "It's not fair!" he bawled. Yomi and the others escorted him out of the classroom discourteously (threw him out), and prepared to put the class rep in charge.

"Isn't the class rep Chiyo-chan?" piped up a boy in the back. "But I don't see her anywhere."

"Oh yeah," piped up Osaka. "Chiyo-chan is sick with a cold."

"What are we going to do?" yelled the class in desperation.

Tomo grinned from ear to ear. This was her moment. "Fear not, my fellow classmates," she began.

_Oh my god,_ thought Yomi. _Kill me now. Quickly._

"I, your Vice class rep, shall save the day!" concluded the hyperactive girl. She proudly strode up to the teacher's desk.

_Alright, it can be slow. It can be painful. But please…kill me now, _pleaded Yomi to nobody in particular.

"And because I'm the most talented at speaking English in the classroom, we don't have to cover English today," deduced Tomo. "What do you all think I should teach?" she asked the class.

"Nothing," said Yomi stiffly.

_If there's a rule in there that Kimura can't teach,_ thought Yomi. _Then maybe there's a rule that Tomo can't teach either._

"I second that!" agreed Kagura, who had a look of fear in her eyes. The entire class shook their heads in consent.

"So we all agree that I should teach nothing?" asked Tomo puzzled.

"Yes!" came the enthusiastic reply.

"Ha!" laughed the energetic girl. "You all lose! You don't get to decide what I teach you!"

"Then why did you ask us, Bonkura?" shouted Yomi.

Tomo paused, and slowly turned to Yomi. She walked up to the taller girl and stared her in the eyes.

"Mizuhara Koyomi," she began. "You should know better to treat your teacher with respect. From now on – and this goes for all of you – it's 'Takino-sensei'."

Osaka looked amazed. "Takino-sensei?"

Sakaki seemed frightened. "Takino-sensei?"

Kagura looked confused. "Takino-sensei?"

Yomi had to grit her teeth to stop herself from biting her teacher out of frustration. "Takino…sensei?" she uttered angrily.

"That's right!" exclaimed Tomo. "You all have to address me with proper respect, or I'll --"

"Or you'll what?" snapped Yomi, with the rest of the class cheering behind her.

"I'll put you in detention," said Tomo smugly, as if she was the most powerful woman in the world. "And then I'll knock your grade down with twenty points!"

The entire class gasped like a fish for water.

"What?" exclaimed Yomi.

"Hey, hey, take it easy Yomi. You're already close," began Tomo. "Don't want to go digging holes for yourself now." Yomi muttered something to herself, which caused Tomo to turn around. "What was that, Koyomi-chan?"

"I said I have an itch," growled the blonde girl.

* * *

"Hey, Kagura," whispered Osaka to her nearby friend. "Do you think Tomo has gone off the deep end as well?" 

Kagura sighed. "If I had the money, I would have hired a hit-man by now."

Osaka seemed satisfied with that response, and began to chase a dust particle in the air with her eyes. It floated from down, to up to the ceiling, landing squarely on Kagura's nose.

"Osaka?" began Kagura.

"Yes?" responded the trance girl.

"Is there something on my face?" asked Kagura.

"Yes," said Ayumu gently.

Kagura attempted to wipe off the antagonizing particle. "Is it still there?"

"I think so," responded Osaka, obviously still in a daze.

"Eh?" Kagura once again tried to wipe the abomination off her face.

"I don't think you can get rid of it," said Osaka.

"Why not?"

"It's kind of hard to wipe off a piece off dust!" explained Osaka. Kagura fell over in shame.

"You mean I was worrying over a piece of dust?"

* * *

"Now, class, this is our schedule" explained Tomo. "From now until lunchtime, we will learn English. Then after lunch, we will go outside for P.E." 

The class murmured in agreement, more out of fear than anything else.

Tomo began to write words in English on the blackboard.

TOMO IS WONDRFULL

"Read that, class," she ordered.

"To…mo…is…won…der…ful?" spoke the class aloud, confused. Well, everyone except for Yomi.

"This is sick!" bemoaned Yomi.

"Koyomi-chan, you need to control your temper," admonished the teacher. "I think I need to send you to detention for disrupting the class."

"What? I…" growled Yomi as Tomo handed her a detention slip.

Yomi began to do the math. _Hah! She can't authorize this. I'm completely safe._ With that, Yomi shoved the piece of paper back in the teacher's hand. "You have no power over me!"

"Is that so?" asked Tomo in a sly manner, pulling out the rulebook. She had this particular page dog-eared. "Read it and weep, my friend."

Substitute teachers are allowed to authorize detention and trips to the principal.

This applies to the Class Reps as well.

Yomi felt cheated in some way. _Not…possible._ "Fine!" she finally exploded, snatching the slip and storming out of the room. All of her friends suddenly felt righteously angry on her behalf.

"Hey, hey, Tomo, Yomi was only saying how she felt," said Kagura supportively.

"Subordination!" cried the teacher, handing Kagura a slip as well.

"Is this any way to treat your friends?" intoned Sakaki.

"Another traitor!"

Tomo walked over to Osaka and handed her a slip. "And one for you, because I don't like your face," she rationalized. The Kasuga girl walked sullenly to her detention-mates.

"Anyone else want one?" Tomo screamed at the class.

"No, Takino-sensei!" came the monotone response.

Tomo smiled viciously. "I knew you'd all understand!"

* * *

_Revolution_

"This isn't fair!" cried Kagura, punching the wall.

"Maybe the evil Tree Wizards got to her," thought Osaka aloud, attempting to justify Tomo's behavior. She began to space out once more.

Sakaki looked around at her friends. _I think Yomi's taking it the worst, though._ She glanced at the blonde girl to find her hand curled up in a tight fist; knuckles white and shaking.

"This is…" began Yomi quietly, raising her hand and her voice. "Unforgivable!"

Just at that moment, a fresh stream of students waltzed into the room.

"What are you in for?" inquired Osaka to each one as they entered and sat down.

"Talking."

"Looking out the window."

"Telling her she did the problem wrong."

"Existing."

"Being taller than her."

"Being smarter than her."

"Being prettier than her."

"Because she didn't like my face."

"Because --"

"This is ridiculous!" interrupted Yomi, shouting again. "Teacher or not, Tomo does _not_ have the right to treat us like this!"

"Yeah!" came the enthusiastic agreement from the rest of the students in detention.

"We cannot allow her to continue this madness!" declared Kagura. "I say we revolt!" Everyone turned to look at Kagura, eyeing her oddly.

"We'd get into actual trouble that way," sighed Yomi.

"Revolting sounds fun," said Ayumu happily.

"We're not going to --" exclaimed Yomi, with a little more strength, but was cut off by Kagura.

"And Yomi-san will be our leader, because she knows Tomo-chan the best!" encouraged Kagura. Yomi looked beatified.

"Leader?"

The students began to cheer.

"It's worth a try," decided Yomi with a smug expression on her face.

* * *

"So it's just you and me now," began Tomo seductively as she eyed the only student left in her classroom. She spread herself over the teacher's desk and lay on her side, facing him. 

The boy's eyebrows began to twitch. "Don't fuck with me!" he cried, panicking.

"What's wrong?" asked Tomo. "Don't you like women?" She blew him a kiss.

At that moment, Yomi and the rest of the students burst in. Yomi's eyebrows began to twitch as well. _What the hell is she doing?_

"Tomo!" she managed to yell after pulling herself together. "Your reign is over!"

"Oh yeah?" asked the young teacher. "I'm more powerful than you can imagine, Koyomi-chan!" A flash of lightning illuminated her small frame, making her appear terrifying. She snapped her fingers opened a switch on the desk, revealing a red button. Yomi stared at it quizzically, while everyone else gasped.

"See this?" she asked rhetorically. "This is much more powerful than a detention slip. With this, I could send all of you to the principal in just one fell swoop."

The students began to back away slowly, dropping their pencils, books, and other makeshift weapons. Yomi stood her ground.

"You won't get the chance!" she yelled, lunging at Tomo and tackling the smaller girl to the floor. Almost immediately, Tomo wrested herself from Yomi's grip and ran for the button. As Tomo's hand reached out to press the button, Yomi stuck out her hand to intercept the blow.

At this point the student army had decided to drop the rebellion and watch the fight.

"Do you think we should help Yomi-san?" asked Sakaki.

"Nah," dismissed Kagura.

"Hey, isn't school over yet?" asked Osaka, pointing the clock.

Everyone except the two fighting girls glanced at the clock. "Hey, yeah, school ended five minutes ago," called out one boy.

"Hooray!" called the rest of the class, stampeding out the door.

Yomi backed away from her friend and looked around. "Hey, why is everyone gone?"

Tomo looked at the clock. "Oh, look! School ended five minutes ago!"

Yomi smiled. "Does that mean…?"

Tomo hung her head. "Yeah, I'm no longer a teacher." Yomi offered her a hand.

"Come on, let's go home."

* * *

Later that night, the gang showed up at Chiyo's house. 

"Chiyo-chan, are you feeling better?" asked Osaka, setting a bowl of soup on the younger girl's bed stand.

"Yes, thank you!" replied Chiyo happily. "I should be back in school by tomorrow."

Sakaki smiled. "That's good news."

"So, did I miss anything?" inquired Chiyo. Everyone except Tomo sweat-dropped.

"It was the best day ever!" exclaimed the hyper girl.

Yomi once again began to shake with anger. "Shut up…"

* * *

**The End**


End file.
